Just got this snapchat from my sister at college haha
There are moments where I feel completely and utterly alone. I know in my mind that I have wonderful friends and family, but sometimes I feel so isolated from other people’s lives. All I can think about is that everyone else has someone, while I’m left behind.
I’m actually really worried that nobody will ever fall in love with me.
I’m just done with everything.
I recently found a reminder on my computer that said “Make a 2013 Jar”. Essentially, it would be a jar that I keep memories and other things in, and at the end of the year I would be able to look back at everything that happened. It’s hard to believe that it’s almost been a year since I wrote that note to myself, because I remember January and all the months subsequently so well.
I am now at the point where I should change the last digit on this note to say “make a jar for 2014”. However, I’m finding this incredibly challenging, as I am not ready to let 2013 go. There was so much happened, and the countless memories that I have from this year are bittersweet, sad but most of all incredibly great. I had another awesome semester at college, had a serious boyfriend for the first time in my life, and then experienced the first real breakup. I continued to make new friends to get over the ones that I have lost or tried to forget, strengthened the bond with the friendships that survived and will continue to survive, and had an actual internship that was the real deal.
I know 2014 will be another year full of memories and fun times, but I’m still accepting that time still goes on after the year 2012 (aka my high school graduation). High school was a year ago, no longer something I can reference as casually in a conversation. 2014 will also bring me to 20 years old, and out of my teen years. Frankly, I’m learning more about myself now than I ever did in my teens, so nothing too upsetting there.
Yes, there are many reasons why I should just change the little post it note and revisit the reminder next January, but for now I am going to delete it. Therefore, I won’t be focusing on next year, but continuing to live out 2013.
Why do I always feel like I should be doing more with my life? I’m finally at a place where I can manage my school work, friends, and life in general. But then I become afraid that I’m fitting in with the crowd too much, and that I have to differentiate myself from others. Then comes the job/internship search, what new club should I join to make myself a more “well rounded person” or maybe I should take up Japanese because that would certainly make me different. We get pushed so often to be such a unique person, a person that jumps at every opportunity and lives life “to the fullest extent”, and I don’t think this pressure will be gone until i’m 80 and old and no longer have to compete to be a decent human being in society. Wouldn’t it be nice to just be accepted the way I am, instead of having to push myself so often to take so many chances or experience the regret of not taking enough chances.
I really hate that I get jealous when other people find someone that makes them happy.
Questioning my decisions is a daily activity for me
when people casually mention something you’re completely obsessed with and it takes every fuckin ounce of your self control not to propel yourself into the stars and scream for the rest of eternity about how much you love the thing
my dad just turned on Titanic to the last minute of the movie. And of course, I start crying.
It’s so disappointing to hear so many people saying such negative things about Ben Affleck and his recent casting as Batman.
A. The movie has not come out yet, so he hasn’t even failed yet.
B. He has come a long way from being Daredevil, and has developed to become an amazing actor and director
C. So many people doubted Heath Ledger’s casting as the Joker, and he turned out to be a better Joker than ANYONE expected.
So please, wait until the movie comes out, and then tell me that he did a bad job.
im so mad at everyone who looks better than me
I have such conflicting feelings about going back to school.
why is it that were always told not to get tattoos at a young age because we “will regret it later on” when we are basically told to choose a career path by age 18? i’d rather be 40 years old with a tattoo that meant something to me when i was young than be 40 years old not wanting to get out of bed to go to a job that i hate because i was forced to decide on a career in my teens
Why am I the friend that is always listening to listen and be there for others, yet the same kindness is not returned to me.